Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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