Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
BRING THE BAGELS
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
