just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
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