Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
