If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
