I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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