She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
