It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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