sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
