for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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