Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The air was thick with penises
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
