Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
