I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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