We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
time to smoke my breakfast
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
