Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
