Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize