Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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