JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I love how my cats smell like pot.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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