i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
