Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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