My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
