Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
