The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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