Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug

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(404): View more from Georgia

i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea

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(760): View more from California

Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"

(1-413): View more from Massachusetts

I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family

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(647): View more from Ontario

You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only

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(229): View more from Georgia

Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.

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(989): View more from Michigan

You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...

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