I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize