he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Drunk is not a location!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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