btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I believe in your delicious
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
