we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
