Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
