Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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