So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
