Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
