Princesses don't give blow jobs
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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