Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
two words...techno handjob
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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