lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
