Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
