we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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