Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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