So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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