I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
