i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
