Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
