JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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