I wanna passion pit in your ass
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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