I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
