im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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