Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
