They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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