My sheets look like a crime scene.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
