Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Ketchup is God's man juice
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
