I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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