Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
