nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
