The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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