It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
