i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
