eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
