Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
