He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
