On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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