You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
