I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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