I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
