The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
