You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
