people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
