So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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