you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Found your dick twin last night
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
