Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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