take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My hand turned me down
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Couch. On fire.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
