lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
