i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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