Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
