Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
